So you have a prospect who's so excited to join but then she slides back into your DMs and says that her spouse said no. 

It's super gut-wrenching because you just had an awesome conversation, she was so excited to sign up and then the next thing you know, she's backing out. In my opinion, there's a good way to go about this and there's also a really not good way to go about it. 

I’m going to talk about both and then I'm going to explain why I feel like one is better than the other. You can then, of course, come up with your own decision and opinion about how to best approach this. 

First, let's backtrack...

Before we get into what you can do to recover or how to best handle these situations, you first need to learn how to handle this situation before it comes up. 

One of my best recommendations is to ask these questions on your application form:

1. Are you the primary decision maker regarding financial investments?
2. Is there someone else who makes this decision with you?
3. If yes, can that person be around when we have a call?

I do this because if there is another decision maker, and they are not around after you get off the phone with them, later on, they're going to go to their partner who has no idea about this conversation that you’ve had and they might immediately shut it down. 

All their partner hears is I want to spend X amount of dollars and your prospect is going to go from feeling on a high to crashing down to the ground and feeling like crap. That’s likely going to be the end of their conversation about it too. 

Other questions that I recommend asking, especially if you're in the health and wellness space:

1. Does your partner know that you and I are about to have this conversation? 
2. Does your partner know that you want to work on fixing X, Y, and Z? 

These questions let you know a little bit more about their dynamic in the decision making process whilst also getting a feel for how open their communication is. 

If their spouse or partner doesn't want to be on the call it can be nice if they’re at least nearby so that when the call ends, she can immediately give her partner all the information he needs so they can both make that decision together. 

The follow up

Set your intentions to follow up with her at a specific time the following day (or perhaps in two days) before ending the call. Let them know that after they talk to their partner, you’re going to touch base. 

Setting up that touchpoint is important because we want to encourage them to have a conversation with their partner and decide whether this is the right fit for them or not. 

Ready to go but spouse says no

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is trying to talk the prospect into making a decision behind their partner's back.  I feel like this is such a detrimental mistake because you're already starting your coach-client relationship based on lies and dishonesty.

I never recommend going behind a spouse's back or making a decision that could cause harm to their relationship. I also don't recommend telling them to just dismiss it and talk badly about their partner, because again, we don't know the dialogue they’ve exchanged and we don't know their dynamic. There may be a very logical reason why the spouse or the partner has told them no. 

What to do instead

Firstly, encourage a dialogue between partners, whether they are the primary decision maker or not. This is especially important when it's a higher ticket investment. Having someone at home supporting them on their journey will lead to greater success for your client. 

Let the person know that you understand why it might not feel like a good fit but also ask some questions:

1. Did he give you any reason about why he doesn't support it? 
2. Did he know that this is something that you want to do? 

Often they will say their spouse had no idea. It’s important that you encourage them to be open with their partner what is going on and how their feeling. 

You're coaching them in the sales process just as much as you would if they were a customer. And in my opinion, that's how you do it correctly. 

When money is the problem

Often if he's in control of the money, he won’t want her spending it or he believes they have something else to prioritize their spending on. 

In this case, ask if X amount of money wasn't on the cards, is there a certain amount of money that he would be comfortable with you investing into work on X, Y, and Z? 

If they let you know a specific amount, you can work within their budget to find a solution that best suits that individual.

It’s not about you, it’s about them.

Regardless of whether it helps your rank, regardless of if it hits your success club points, it's not about you, it's about them. 

If it's something that he's just not budging on, you could say:

Hey, I know you were so excited about joining, would you want to hop on a quick call with the three of us so that you and I can talk to him together about the work we want to do?

Sometimes this will work and sometimes it won't work.

The most important thing here is not being sneaky or encouraging them to go against the wishes of their partner. It's how you can help them get what they want while also keeping that individual happy and feeling supported by their partner.  

If it’s just not happening...

Set a follow up date and send along a free resource to help her get started as their partner might just need more time to be able to trust you and your solutions.

Ultimately, if they're meant to work with you, they will.

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