Fearing Death & Sweaty Palms with Stephen Lovegrove

podcast Feb 02, 2021

Stephen, who is a life coach, helps people get what they want from the inside out. He is a true believer that it all begins from within. Sometimes we’re doing too much, we’re hustling, and we’re doing all the things to succeed but we feel the same way inside or something is not clicking. Almost every time is because something is off on the inside. And, Stephen lives loving to do the inner work with people to get the results that last and feel good. 

Fear of not doing enough and not being in all the places in your business. 

One of the biggest things that are coming up for entrepreneurs and business owners right now, is this fear of not doing enough and not being all the places. I know that clubhouse is a big and exclusive thing. And people are having a hard time getting in and they're afraid that they're missing out. 

It's easy to see all of the commotion going on out there and ask  “what is everybody else doing?” And “what do I need to be doing?” or “where do I start?” 

Here's something I like to be very clear about. There is no leader out there that you respect that is equally benefiting in business from all platforms. Just because you see them everywhere doesn't mean that all of those platforms are equally benefiting their business. So, the important secret here is you've got to know what moves your business forward. 

From my experience, my biggest two have been Facebook first, Instagram second, and now clubhouses in the mix. That's not going to be true for everyone. There are people who get a lot of clients off TikTok. There are people who get a lot of clients off of Pinterest or LinkedIn or YouTube. But, none of us are growing from all of it equally. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, it would be much better to pick one or two places that really work for you and focus on those. Cultivate your energy and live in the fullness of your life. Be grounded with that so that when you hop on a podcast, you share a stage on Clubhouse, or in social media, you have something to share overflowing from your life, rather than showing up from neediness and insecurity. 

I think it is easy for us to get into a bubble and to forget how many different expressions of business and coaching and entrepreneurship there are out there. So, one of the things I love about clubhouse is that it introduces me to new people every day, in many cases that have established brands, big followings, many mutual friends I have in common, and I've never heard of them, and I had no clue they existed. And I love that reminder that if you're ever feeling trapped in a bubble, remember that there are whole worlds of people making money and even in your space that you're not seeing, right. It's a small world in some ways, and it's also an infinite world in other ways. 

Find your Unique Expression of Life 

So, don't be afraid to find your lane, even outside of the conventional bubble you operate in. For example, part of what fuels me is that I've always been a lover of Hollywood, old Hollywood, New Hollywood, Young Hollywood. I am all about people pursuing their entertainment dreams. I will absolutely listen to Ryan Seacrest on the radio or watch the news or like to listen to podcasts that have nothing to do with business and are all entertainment-focused. And because of that, I have gems and wisdom and inspiration that has nothing to do with any of the most common things being talked about. Because I was just listening to Ryan Seacrest, and Shawn Mendes talk about how you keep the momentum going. And that was a whole different conversation than the internet marketers. So, I just want to encourage people to dive into what excites you, maybe that stand up comedy world, maybe that's the fitness world. Maybe that's some obscure nerdy fandom. But the point is, your unique expression of your life will inspire you a whole lot more than one bubble again and again and again and again.

I think that people think that only if they say the exact business messaging correctly, people will be drawn to them. But, I just did a post the other day and I just wanted to go through some of these things explicitly so people could know how potential clients end up to me from things that had nothing to do with business. I had a couple of potential clients end up to me because I talked about Hallmark and they loved Hallmark. 

I would actually challenge people to stop thinking about their business, just in terms of what they know. Because very rarely are people hiring US based on what we know, even if they're coming to you for your expertise. They're coming to you for transformation, they're coming to you for an experience, maybe in many cases, they're coming to you for a resolve. But all of those things are so much more than just what you know. And I think that's just kind of a shift we're making. This is an age where information is so abundant, that it's very hard to say “I have the secret information”. 

People don't realize this about sales, but whenever somebody buys from you, they sold themselves on it! To get that new iPhone, to sign up with that coach or for that program, to buy that vacation, you sold yourself on it somehow. And you told yourself something. I think a lot of people mistakenly guess what people are selling themselves on. So we often think the reasons that are why people sign up are usually deeper things, personal things, energetic things, where the alignment just has to be there.

How do you know what’s your coaching title? 

It really comes down to testing and experimenting with everything. I took lawyers and healthcare executives when I first started, only to find out that that was my niche. The experience will tell you. 

A lot of people focus on the words that come before “coach” as if that's the piece they need to really get right. And where I like to focus after seven years of being a coach is on the actual coach piece. Rather than fixating on what title you use, really focus and redirect that energy into what is the essence of coaching? What is drawing me to coaching? And what does it mean to me to be an excellent, extraordinary coach? Because if you get that, right, the title is just icing on top!

Teachers, mentors, consultants can fall under the same category because they are telling you what they know and what they have experienced. They are telling you how to do what they have done. But, when it comes to coaching, it is different. To be a coach you need to be a: 

  • Good listener 
  • Create powerful questions 
  • Hold the vision with your client 

A coach wants a question to activate something new. Not everyone is going to love it. But, it’s not your job as a coach for your clients to like you. 

A lot of times people are already judging the desire and the intention before they can even set it. And, they fear what might actually happen. It's not fear of failure, right? It's fear of success, because if it works, “who do I have to be?”. 

People are obsessed with the conversation around failure. That fear of success is where the real conversation is at. Here's why. I know that the pattern of the ego is to get you in the wrong conversation. This is why ego loves to say the real issue here is fear of failure. However,  if you are not currently succeeding, failure is not that scary. Because don't put it lovingly, you're already not living in success. The thing that would require a change that would absolutely freak out your consciousness is “what I have to become?” “what would life look like?” “What would I even do if I actually did succeed?” 

I think one of the biggest traps is ego. Ego wants to keep you in, seek and do not find, always be seeking, you'll always tell people, I'm looking for it, I'm working on it, I'm going for it. Always be seeking, never be found. That is the pattern of the ego. So, speak to yourself and understand where your ego doesn’t want you to go. 

Listen to the full episode on iTunes & Spotify

Remember to take a screenshot and tag @kaylaybanez @stoptheheygirlpodcast & @drlovegrove on Instagram.