I am joined by McCall Jones, who helps entrepreneurs really own what makes them charismatic as they show up online and for their businesses, and really helps them show up powerfully as they are online to be the same as who they are in person. She came from being a crowd singer full of anxiety, comparison, and fear of disappointing people to working with entrepreneurs building their audiences, but building them based on trust, and their personalities, really bringing out the natural charisma that everybody has, but people seem to lose on camera and audio situations. 

Fear of Rejection or Fear of Performance 

Usually, people are not the same in one of two ways. The first one is, they are so fun, and they have this great personality when they're with their very favorite person in the world. But, when they get on camera, or they get on any form of social media in order to push their products, make ads, they shut down and they become a really boring version of themselves. And that's really based on fear and performance, anxiety, and societal constraints that people put on themselves of thinking that they need to sound more professional or they need to look less silly or less any of the things that you know, corporate America has told them that they need to be

The other way is if they feel like they're not enough, they're not loud enough, or they're not funny enough, or they're not any of these things enough, they will become a really extreme loud version of a person that they also aren't in person, even when they are their most amazing selves. So, they become something that they feel other people will be attracted to. This entire thing is based on the fear of rejection, and how different people deal with that, 

Some people deal with that fear of rejection by trying to hold it together and seem very polished in order to establish their authority. But, they don't realize that doesn't work. And the other half of people amp everything up thinking that it will attract a bigger audience when what they don't realize is by doing that, they are creating distress there. They are building an audience for a human who does not exist. So anytime they do become themselves, that entire audience leaves and it doesn't actually serve their business as much as it served, you know, the views on one video or the views on a video for a couple of months, or something like that. 

People are so afraid to be themselves that they will literally avoid creating content or showing up. 

How do you kind of bridge the gap for someone not even showing up at all?

The first thing that we usually break down is what their product does for people. Right? So the thing, the thing that I had to realize very early on, is that some people don't want to be the face of their business. When you are The business, such as a coach or a service provider, you need to show up on video to build trust with your audience. So many of these business owners think that they can post on their feed or even post a picture saying that they’re working their social media game, they think that that will lead them to attract clients and build an audience. But, without video or actually showing up online, you can't establish trust with an audience. To establish an audience that way will take so much time and effort because your audience has to vet you. You’ll have to get on one on one calls with them over and over and over again because they're looking for consistency and predictability. 

The first thing that we always break down is what is the product and if you need to be the face of it. And then we just speak about what that product does for people. And why that specific person being the face of the company is so important, why their message, and why they created the company is so important in the delivery of that message. 

Once we discover that, we start figuring out how you need to show up online. We start to dive into different ways that we are going to work on only attracting the right people instead of trying to attract as many people as possible because you will not be for everybody. We're going to focus on the actual parts of your personality that will attract your tribe, not only ideal business clients but ideal humans, people who will create a mutual recovery experience for you, meaning as you lift them, they lift you. 

Those are the people that we work on attracting, and then we start to extract those parts of your personality that we need to make sure are shown on social media. So we go through the whole process:

• What's your solution? 
• How does this serve people? 
• Would it serve them better? 
• Will you be the face of the product? 
• Who are we actually trying to attract? 
• What parts of you are important for them to see
• Then we start to bring in the really nerdy part of charisma hacking, which are the tactics on how to measure emotional accuracy and making sure we're being authentic, or emotionally accurate in front of that audience so that they can connect with you, and trust you. And then you can move them to all your products.

Personality exercise

So, you want to evaluate how you are when you're with your very favorite people or person in the world, and ways that they would describe parts of your personality that they see all the time. And then you want to start to evaluate how you are in real life. I call these snickerdoodle stories. So, when we start to look at tactics, the first thing we look at is the dynamic pitch. 

We look at how high or how low your voices. For example, when you’re excited, your voice is in the top third of your range, and it's up here, but when you’re trying to be excited about something, you’re using this mid-third of your range. 

Percussive or punchy consonants

Here, we break down every minuscule thing that goes into our voices, when we are actually feeling that accurate emotion. So that when we are, you know, bringing that emotional accuracy into the videos into the audio, we have a way to measure to see if it's there or not, instead of just saying, “Oh, that's bad”, “that's good”. We can say, “Okay, here's exactly what it's missing.” 

Intentional Movement when talking about your business. 

I think anybody who tells you to not talk with your hands is doing you a disservice. They are wrong. They are wrong. I call it intentional movement. The use of your arms actually enhances the emotional map or what you need people to feel so that they can feel it more clearly. So using your hands in order to further articulate what you're trying to say is super important. If you don't use your hands, it can look like a dead fish. 

How to recover when you notice things are kind of starting to go down the path you don't want it to?

The first thing you have to realize is that people don't actually love you because of the ways they think you're perfect. Instead, they become aggressively devoted to you and the ways they feel like they can see themselves in you or relate to you, which is the imperfections. People want to see that stuff. 

For example: 

I had a client who was Live and she had a whole cup of coffee spilled all over her desk, and you could see it. And what she did was ignore it. Because she ignored it, all of the comments started blowing up like “do you need paper towels?”, like “what's going on here?” And she just felt like she needed to do it. So we learned from that, right? The next time that she went live and something happened you'd be like, “Oh my gosh, I just spilled coffee on my table” 

People, people see what's happening. If you lose your train of thought, you tell them. If you drop something, if you make a mistake, or if you're nervous, you can tell your people, because the whole point of the video is to create a connection. It is not to appear perfect. In fact, it's the opposite. That connection happens when you reveal or are comfortable sharing those imperfect things. That's what creates the connection. And that's what creates that following. You're a human, they want to see you as a human.

There's a voice for every audience and an audience for every voice.

Listen to the FULL episode to learn more about emotional accuracy and how to break the cycle of comparison or being someone you’re not in the online world. This episode can be found on iTunes & Spotify.